Saying No, Being Still, Gaining Perspective

Once upon an autumn, life took me by surprise. The news came causing some unexpected changes in my life. This news was not tragic, not really dramatic, but just enough to require some major adjustments in my schedule over the weeks that spread out in front of me.

As is my nature, my brain kicked into overdrive. I rapidly began with phone calls, emails, paperwork, and rescheduling to make the needed adjustments in our lives. But within twenty four hours or so, after the initial flurry of activity slowed down, the questions in the night began. So how will all of this really work out? Am I making the right choices? Will everything be ok?

I backed out of a previous commitment (thanks to an incredibly understanding and gracious friend) in order to complete necessary work to prepare our home and family for the upcoming changes. But as I began the day, God called me first to sit with Him before I tore into my list of projects. And with a warm cup of coffee in my hand, He sweetly spoke again into my life.

There’s more to come: We continue to shout out praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged.
Quite the contrary-we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit.
Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)

The news I felt was turning my world upside down (at least temporarily) was not a surprise to God. And if I would let Him redirect my perspective, I would be able to see some passionate patience developed in my life, along with some of the tempered steel of virtue. All of this could leave me in a place of alert expectancy, busy rounding up containers, but always falling short of having enough to hold all God was generously pouring into my life. Somehow this was a markedly different view than my questions of “will it be okay.” What a cozy place to be, warming my heart as my coffee warmed my throat.

The interesting thing about my new perspective was that the details of my life’s quandaries had changed not one iota. The challenges were still real and present. They just looked different when viewed through my Father’s eyes.

So how about you? Where in life could you use some new perspective? May I share some advice from a woman who has screwed up many, many times? Unless I had been willing to say no, which went against every unwritten rule in my little mind (you don’t back out once you make a commitment!!), I would never have had the time to hear God’s voice. Sometimes, you have to say no to other things, in order to say yes to God. And yes, sometimes, you will not look good in the eyes of others when you say no or "I can't." But what are you looking for in your life? Peace in your heart or a good reputation?

Once I had said no (and risked looking like the shirker who just can’t seem to get her act together, again), I had to stop and listen for God’s voice. This was not my default thinking. My mind told me there were innumerable tasks that had to be completed. It also threw me that famous lie, “If you don’t do it, it won’t get done.” My to-do list screamed loudly, but my Father spoke gently, “Let me give you the strength to complete your work. Come sit with me first.” So I sat. Not because I had the time, but mainly because of the painful memories of how many times I had chosen not to sit and come up later with an empty tank when I needed strength the most.

This is not a formula, nor is it rocket science. It is just another simple story of a woman who had an unexpected curve ball thrown her way, but was met in the batter’s box by a loving Father. So what is crossing your plate as you stand up to swing today? What if you choose to say no, be still and gain some new perspective? The same Father who met me, waits anxiously to meet you.

TheWhisper of "Is it Enough?"

Talking with a friend, the subject of schedules came up as it so often does between women. My friend remarked that she never says anymore that she is busy. When I inquired why, she shared a story with me about a conversation between her and another mother. Let’s call my friend Suzie Sensible and the woman she was talking with Betty Busy. Suzie and Betty were comparing schedules. When Suzie began discussing her life, Betty surprisingly informed Suzie that she could not possibly be as busy as Betty was. In spite of the fact that Suzie has three children in elementary school, a husband, a house to care for, works a part time job and runs her own small business, Betty quickly assured Suzie that she was not busy enough to be in the league with Betty. After that day, Suzie decided to never being a “busy” discussion with another woman. Probably a smart idea, but what was most intriguing to me was what my friend, Suzie said next. She looked me in the eyes and said, “Am I doing enough?”

Isn’t that the question we all struggle with at some time or many times in our lives? The root of the question is as old as creation. Since the dawn of time, the enemy has continued to sell women the same tired line, though it may take on different appearances from generation to generation. The heart of the question still remains the same. Is it enough? Is God enough? Am I enough?

Our struggles with finances often come from listening to this question. We look around and do not observe the almost obnoxious abundance we have in this country that the rest of the world readily sees. We choose instead to look at our neighbors, relatives, and friends and see only scales out of balance and not in our favor. We take jobs to make more so we can spend more so we can have more and on the vicious circle rolls.

Hearing the question of “Is it enough?” can cause us to become unhappy in our family relationships. I wish I was single, I wish I was married, I wish I had children, I wish the children were grown and gone, I wish my husband was different, I wish my children were different. When things are viewed in the light of “Is it enough?” too often we end up observing what we lack, not the numerous gifts we have.

As important as all these areas are in our life, nothing rocks us like the final two questions.

Is God enough?
Am I enough?

Here is the good news. Our God is always, forever and ever ENOUGH. The Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Finisher of our Faith, Omnipotent, All powerful, the I AM. To rest in His amazing power and awesome strength is always a safe place for our hearts. Interestingly enough, the fact that He is enough answers our final question also.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:10 (NIV)

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ, died for us.
Romans 5:8 (NIV)

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
I John 4:16 (NIV)

We have a Father who is enough and has made us enough in Him. Let’s tell the enemy to take a hike the next time he tries his worn out line on us. We are daughters of the King. We are princesses. We are enough.

The Trump Card

We all come from so many different places and not just geographically. Some are born into families where they are wanted, loved and treasured. Others, like me, come along as a “problem” to those who bear them. Some of these “problems” are placed for adoption in wonderful homes, some grow up in families where they are constantly reminded of being an inconvenience and so many are aborted before they ever see the light of day. So what effect do these beginnings have on the rest of our lives?

Modern science is making landmark progress today in the study of what happens to us in our mothers’ wombs. We know more than ever about the psychological effects on the unborn of what happens during pregnancy. Some experience emotional pain from those days which they carry throughout their lives. The good news is God has a trump card, no matter what our beginnings or where life finds us today.

The trump card was not a concept I truly began to understand until I started dating Rob. When I began to meet his family, I quickly learned playing bridge was a favorite family pastime. Not wanting to be left out, I set out to learn the game only to find I was not a quick study. Rob patiently taught me the manners, rules and strategy of the game, but I struggled to master the trump card concept. I would excitedly lay down my ace, sure of winning a trick. Imagine my shock when another player pulled out a trump card to snatch away my win. I would end up wondering how this happened when I was holding an ace, seemingly a sure win card. The truth of bridge that I struggled to internalize and remember was that the trump card overrides any card of another suit, no matter how high that card’s value. Trumps always win.

Here is God’s trump card about our origins:

Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name,
He gave the right to become children of God –
children born not of natural descent,
nor of human decision or a husband’s will,
but born of God.
John 1:12-13 (NIV)

By sending His son, God played the trump card which covers all other aces. No circumstance of my origin, or in my daily life, is larger than the trump of being His child. Events often occur in our lives which make it seem as if the enemy holds all the aces. Thank you Father for the trump card you played of making me your child. Nothing has been done to me, nothing will occur in my life that is larger than my God.

God laid down the trump, but I won the trick. I became His child.

A Chapter Closes

This day was always in our future, but it seemed so very far away. Today, CDR Robert Dowell, USNR becomes CDR Robert Dowell, USNR – retired. After 29 ½ years of serving in the United States Navy, this chapter of our lives comes to a close.

We married one week after Rob accepted his commission at Newport, Rhode Island. After six years of active duty, Rob transferred to the Navy Reserves. He has served in our community and around the world. We have walked through more nights of “Well, they said they might be sending me to . . . .” then I care to remember. We will go to sleep tonight knowing there will be no more orders in our future.

As I try to process what this new chapter in our life means, I looked to the Bible to read the farewell speech of another military commander – Joshua. In chapter 24 of the book of Joshua, the mighty leader of Israel speaks to the nation at the close of his military career. In typical Joshua style, he does not rehearse the great achievements of his service, but continues to remind them of what God has done for them. After he recounts the many struggles God has brought them through, Joshua presents the nation with a charge:

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you,
then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.
But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.
Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

Probably the thing I will remember the most about our military career was the constant uncertainty. When you sign up to serve, you turn over certain freedoms in exchange for being ready to go when called. While I struggled frequently with this lifestyle, Rob always continued to quietly trust in God, even when things did not go well. He always trusted that while we had surrendered certain parts of our life to the Navy, the Navy always rested in the hands of a sovereign God who ultimately decided our course. When Rob was called to postpone retirement and serve in Iraq, he felt it was not the military who sent him, but God. Because Rob had made the choice for himself and our household to serve God, he had the strength to do the hard things.

As a chapter closes and another begins for us, I want to be like Rob and Joshua - so assured in my choice to follow God, that the trials and tribulations that come to us in life do not rock my boat quite so hard. Chapters close and others begin sometimes over years, sometimes in a moment’s notice, bringing circumstances that can challenge us beyond what we feel we can bear. I do not know what circumstances challenge you in life today, but would they be made easier by reminding yourself whom you have chosen to serve?

But as for me and my household,
We will serve the Lord.

Our Hero Comes Home

as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:11 (NIV)





The moment we have waited for so many months has finally arrived. At an airport terminal in Baltimore, we screamed, we cried, we ran, we hugged, we kissed, and we were reunited with our Commander. It was a wonderful culminating moment of a incredible journey.

We are thankful to a Father who graciously allowed Rob to come safely home to us. We are grateful to the many family and friends who have prayed for us. We find ourselves incredibly appreciative of the gift of everyday things like being able to reach out and hold one another's hands.

May I ask you a question this Easter? Are you aware that there is a Father who awaits your homecoming with more anticipation than we ever had for Rob's homecoming? Though we were busy with multiple homecoming preparations, they can not hold a candle to what God has done to bring you home to Him. He has given the gift of His only Son to give you a way to come home. If you have not accepted His gift and come home, will you do that today? If you have, will you remember today how much He has done to bring you home?

Homecoming is a wonderful thing.

A Homecoming Story

It had been a long deployment for us. My pre-Sept. 11th military reserve children were not in any way accustomed to Dad being sent to the other side of the world for eight months of duty in a combat zone. Rob was very involved in all aspects of their life and his absence had left a tremendous hole. And of the three of them, none had seemed to take it harder than Daddy’s princess.

As their separation began, none of us really knew how nine turning ten year old Libby would react to the deployment. Yes, there had been tears shed at the time of goodbye, but what coping skills would she develop to wrap her brain around the absence of her dad? It didn’t take us long to find out.

Rob was able to find a connection, when he was settled in country, and call us on the phone about once a week. (This was long before the days of anything called Skype.) We began to notice that Libby would be conveniently busy or somewhere else when we would try to track her down to talk to Rob on the phone. After some intense discussions with her, her brothers and I realized she had decided to cope with Rob’s absence by largely pretending that he was not gone. Any phone calls would quickly erase her pretensions, so she avoided them like the plague. Though she did not slog through her days in constant tears or depression, there was no doubt this deployment was talking its toll on her.

When it was time for Rob to return, we excitedly packed up and headed to the airport in another city to await his arrival. Because Rob was an IA (Individual Augmentee – he deployed alone instead of with a unit), he was scheduled to fly home on a commercial airline. When I arrived at the airport with my children, we requested a gate pass so we could greet him as soon as the plane landed. We excitedly thanked the ticket agent and headed out to the terminal where his flight was due to arrive.

As we arrived at Rob’s gate, we began to scan the tarmac for any sign of the arrival of Rob’s plane. What we did not know was that Rob’s plane had arrived early. He had worn civilian clothes on the flight, but had gone into a restroom directly behind where we were standing to change into his uniform before greeting us on the other side of security, or so he thought. As we stared out the window, I suddenly realized that Libby was no longer standing with us. When the boys and I starting looking for her, we turned around to see a sight that I will never forget. Libby had turned around and seen her Daddy coming out of the restroom. Without a sound, she had run across the terminal and knocked him flat on the floor. There he lay, on his back in the terminal, with the little girl in the pink dress spread eagle across the top of him sobbing her lungs out. It was if eight months of fear, hurt, pain and sorrow all spilled out onto her Daddy.

The boys and I just stood around them for a few minutes. You could hear her all over the terminal. People walked by who didn’t even know us and wiped their eyes. It was an amazing sight.

I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your earthly father, but please hear today that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you even more than Rob loves Libby. And He is not far away. You do not have to wait for Him to come home to you. It is His heart’s desire that today you would turn and run to Him. Stop pretending about your pain and let go of the deep, dark places inside of you. He longs for you to drape yourself across Him and pour out the deepest hurts, fears, sorrows and needs of your heart.

God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.
Acts 17:27 (NIV)

Cold, Hard and Unforgiving

It has been three weeks since the last accumulating snowfall hit the mid-Atlantic. Yet, everywhere you turn, you can still see snow. Temperatures have stayed well below seasonal averages, the sun has refused to shine many days and the large volume of snow which has accumulated means that although some melting has occurred, there is still no end to the sight of snow at every turn.

I love snow. I love watching it fall, seeing it pile up and playing in it. I love the way snow trumps almost every agenda in Washington, D.C. and brings life to a screeching halt. I love having my family home together enjoying sitting by the fire and drinking hot chocolate in our pajamas – at two o’clock in the afternoon. Beautiful white fluffy snow cleans the world better than Clorox on the stained shirt of a little boy.

As much as I love beautiful white, clean snow, I have an almost equal distaste for dirty snow. What is left in Washington is no longer the clean beautiful snow that had fallen weeks before on our landscape. What is now piled on the side of the road, in the medians and in virtual mini-mountains in parking lots is dirty snow. Though it had started out beautiful and white as it fell to the ground, the snow has been plowed, pushed aside and covered with dirt from vehicles flying by. It is the kind of snow only man, vehicles and lots of nasty chemicals can create. Due to the large nature of some of the piles, it is just not going away. Snow in the grass has melted in the warmth of the sun, but the dirty snow is cold, hard and very unforgiving. Weeks after it fell, it sits seemingly immovable and covered in dirt. Most unattractive.

This is where the lesson turned very personal and very painful for me. God showed me how closely my speech lately had become to that large pile of dirty snow. Cold, hard and very unforgiving. In an attempt to “always be direct with people,” my speech had become something that served only me and whatever selfish desires I had at a particular given moment. Why, of course, didn’t others need to hear my opinion on a certain subject? Weren’t they just dying to know what I thought? Besides, maybe they needed my “help” in the form of unsolicited advice. After all, didn’t I really have more experience and know better? Ouch. It is painful to even type such ugly thoughts that my selfish heart has been busy justifying. Listen to what Jesus says about the words my mouth speaks.

“For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
Matthew 12:34b (NIV)


So, if I do not like the words I hear coming out of my mouth, the first place I have to look is my heart. When had I decided that my personal opinion was gospel the world needed to hear? Though God had given me the blessing of having some experiences I had learned from through the years, were not those lessons designed to keep me humble rather than making me arrogant? Where were the concepts of grace and forgiveness in my heart and speech, especially with those I love the most?

I do not like dirty snow. But even more important, God wants me to not like a dirty heart. When I allow myself to be deluded into believing the importance of the words I have to share, I will become just as cold, hard and unforgiving as the dirty snow on the side of the road. Precious Father, today could you please make my thoughts and words clean and refreshing? I want the things that come out of my heart and mouth to be as beautiful and pure as your clean, white snow.